softball and my life-long issue

22 Jul

The Lord was working on my heart last night all while doing a horrible job of covering third base.

I play softball on a team with a bunch of people from various PCA churches in the Atlanta area. It’s really fun and our team is pretty good. I am (in the loosest sense of the phrase) co-captain of the team and last night the other girl who heads up pretty much everything and has for years was out of town so it fell on me to do the organizing. Last night also happened to be the night that the majority of the team decided to be out of town. We were low on people (especially girls) and there are a bunch of rules about how many girls can play per how many guys you have and where they play and automatic outs and…..you get the drift, it was complicated to say the least and I was confused before the game even started about all the rules.

I had made our line-up and had a nice little spreadsheet drawn up with our batting order, positions etc. – it was a thing of beauty. On the way there i started getting phone-calls that people were dropping out and/or coming late which meant our line-up was looking pretty anemic, we couldn’t even field a full team and we had to take an automatic out every inning because we didn’t have enough girls. So i started scratching off peoples names, re-writing positions and my nice clean spreadsheet quickly became illegible and confusing to even me – and I wrote the darn thing.

So as the game began It became quickly apparent that we were at a huge disadvantage being down so many people and this was not going to pretty. And I was getting more frustrated as the game went along. I didn’t feel like I knew enough to lead the team well. I was confused about the rules and never knew who was supposed to be up at bat. I was also plying third base which I am TERRIBLE at.  It was painful for me. This team that I was supposed to be leading was losing and I didn’t know what to do about it. I could feel my self getting more and more irritated as the game went along and I just wanted it to be over.

In about the 3rd inning I had a sudden epiphany. No one else there cared about this game as much as I did. No one else cared that we were losing by 10 runs. I was getting so worked up over this game because I felt like it reflected poorly on me if we lost or didn’t do well. Everyone else was having fun and I was sitting there stewing and getting more upset by the second.

I wish I could say that right at that moment I did a 180 all of a sudden was loving life and playing softball but alas my attitude was pretty terrible for the rest of the night (you can ask my sister). I’ve always struggled with this. I’m a people pleaser by nature which boils down to I do things to please others so that i may gain their favor.  My attitude should be one of service to others so as to bring glory to God and to love them. I, unfortunately, can’t say that’s true all the time. I don’t think I will ever get there but I pray that the Lord will use things and situations in my life to remind me that sanctification is a process and not a one time event. Even if it’s in the middle of a softball game.

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